You've heard people say, "Oh, life just got in the way this week." Unfortunately, death got in the way of our normal life. We received a phone call last Saturday evening informing us that our 72 year old next door neighbor had been tragically killed in a car accident on her way home from a funeral in Seymour. That same accident sent her 74 year old husband (of 51 years) to the ICU at Methodist Hospital in critical condition. Try explaining that to an over-analyzing 7 year old. Our life was turned upside down. We told the kids, cried, and then put them in bed. Carson (typical boy style) fell right to sleep and we didn't hear from him again till morning. Delaney, on the other hand, was still awake at 11p. Shortly after that, we set up a bed on our floor for her where she camped out the rest of the night. We all slept in about 45 minutes stretches, then I'd hear us all moving around, restlessly trying to find a comfortable spot. Occassionally unable to find that comfortable spot and thus huffing and puffing around for a while not wanting to ask if anyone was awake, but hoping someone else would notice and speak. I talked to Delaney a few times during the night, but mostly just, "Are you okay?" "Yes."
The next morning we headed to church, where I finally let the flood gates down and ugly cried for a while. I was stuck in the middle of the row and couldn't figure out how to escape without causing a huge scene, so I tried to hold it in, but that only made it worse. Then, I looked over to see that Matt's eyes weren't exactly dry...then I really lost it!
The next few days were very scary for our neighbor in ICU. He was unresponsive, they ran more tests, couldn't find anything wrong, and decided to do some exploratory surgery to find the issue. Turns out there were internal injuries that weren't showing up on their scans. After those were fixed, his health really started to turn around. Our last update was that he was sitting on the edge of the bed doing exercises and being moved to a normal room soon. Then, he is headed to a rehabilitation center, and finally, to his son's house.
That leaves a dark, empty house next to us. I have a hard time looking out the window. It makes me sad for so many reasons. All the things we never said to them or did for them that we can never change. I guess I'm sad for missed opportunities. I'm sad for him, that after 51 years of marriage he must go this route alone. I'm sad that Delaney still isn't dealing with death well. She hasn't slept an entire night since we told her. Friday night was probably the worst because we took her to the calling. We both felt like it was the right choice. We explained beforehand that her body would be there, but that everything we loved about her was in Heaven. She was such a God honoring Proverbs 31 woman! Phenomenal example for me to follow (and I never told her that). Carson hid behind me the entire time and Delaney just looked like she could burst into tears. She withdrew a lot afterwards, but set up camp in our room again for the night.
Finally, on Saturday she went with me to take care of the cats. We are honored (seriously) to be taking care of their cats for the time being. Those cats were her babies, so I hug them tight!! I never knew cleaning a litterbox could be therapeutic, but it is!! (sorry, I digress, as I'm sure I have a lot, but I'm just trying to get my thoughts out of my head) Delaney went with me to check on the cats. That means we walk all through the house, feed them, love on them, clean the litterbox, accidentally let one out and chase it through the snowy yard in boots with heels to catch him and put him back in so he doesn't freeze. Delaney looked around the house a lot, and that is when she started to open up. The questions came free flowing, some I could answer, and some I couldn't. No one can. I gave her opinions, backed up by facts, and cried some with her. I think it was really a healing process. Who knew cats could heal a heart.
I know that I can't go back and do all the things I never did, but somehow, bringing in the mail and snuggling with a cat makes me feel like I'm doing something. I know that their family may never know how much I needed this opportunity, but it has really helped me to grieve.
Pray for our neighbor, that his emotional wounds can heal as quickly as his physical wounds. He knows that one day he will spend eternity with his love, but he is questioning why he didn't get to go with her this time. I think, after 51 years of marriage, I'd question that too.
